Vicarious
by Kaytrina
Summary: Sai recognizes emotions, though he doesn't feel them. Sakura has a strange request. Perhaps Sai can learn to feel if he acts through someone else.


Sai had a very hard time understanding other people. He knew that this lack of understanding stemmed from growing up in almost complete isolation, aside from his teammates who were just as emotionally stunted as he was. He and the other ROOT members followed orders, and any improvisations were undertaken strictly to accomplish the goal of the mission. No ulterior motives existed, ever.

Being taken out of ROOT and thrown into regular society was…overwhelming, to put it lightly. Every seemingly simple statement had two, sometimes three or four, alternate meanings. Sai had been trained to study facial expressions, to pick out when a surveillance target was nervous, restless, scared, or lying. But when every single person around you - which was a considerable number compared to the usual number of people he was used to interacting with - was saying one thing and meaning another, hiding their true motives except for tale tell facial ticks…it was information overload. Trying to catch every nuance was simply impossible.

So, Sai learned to just take people as they came to him. He tried his best to crush his instinct to observe, analyze, and execute. Anyway, the information his new "friends" gave away in their voices and faces was not in any way important, at least not to him, and he was still assigned enough missions to keep his skill in good shape. It was best for his sanity to just let it go. When he was asked a question, he answered. When someone wanted conversation, Sai tried to comply, though he really couldn't think of many things to say - it seemed that most conversations had no point, and therefore there was no reason for trying, besides social nicety, which was really pointless in and of itself.

So when Sakura sat down next to him after training one afternoon and started asking questions about his painting ability, he noticed the uncharacteristic hesitancy in her voice, picked up the slightly furrowed brow and the reluctance to meet his eyes, but he let it go, like always.

"Sai," she said, "I've been wondering about your painting attacks. You always do animals, which makes sense, I guess, since it is meant for attacks. But…have you ever done a person?"

"People are more complicated. I have to pay more attention to control them, and they usually aren't as effective as animals in a battle."

"Why are they more complicated?"

"Humans aren't physically built to be dangerous. Our minds make humans deadly. Our bodies become weapons only after years of rigorous training. Using a human painting to fight would take up almost as much concentration as I use for myself when fighting, so it isn't efficient."

Sakura nodded and turned her head - to avoid meeting his eyes, Sai instinctively knew, but ignored. "Hmmm…but you can do it. You can paint a human and make it move like a human, given the time and space to concentrate on it. Outside of a battle situation."

"Yes. Though I don't know why I would use the paintings anywhere outside of battle. I use paintings for surveillance and tracking, but usually something small, like bugs or birds."

There was quick brightening of her eyes, a slight raising of her brows - pleasure, though Sai didn't want to begin to analyze why.

"I see," she said. "Interesting." She hopped up and brushed the grass from her shorts and legs. "Okay, then. I guess I'm out. See you tomorrow, Sai."

Sai nodded and watched her go. An odd question, and interesting reactions to the answer. He wondered briefly about her objective, but decided that trying to puzzle out these "normal" people's objectives was simply a waste of effort, and brushed it aside.

Later in the evening, after Sai had finished his plain meal of fish and rice, he was interrupted from his nightly painting to a knock on his door. He opened it to find Sakura, oddly dressed in a dark pink kimono, hands behind her back, staring resolutely at her feet.

"Mission?" he asked.

She glanced up at him, then back down to her toes. "Uh, no. This is…well." She was blushing, and if Sai had had the social experience of a normal person, he might have suspected romantic motives, but he didn't have that experience, so he only detected blushing embarrassment.

"Sai, I…" she steeled herself, lifted her head and looked him straight in the eye. "I have a favor to ask."

He waited expectantly.

"Will you…." she pulled her hands from behind her back, and Sai saw that she carried picture in her hands. "Will you draw him for me?"

Sai took the picture. Younger versions of Team Seven smiled or glared back at him, and he didn't have to ask which Sakura wanted him to draw. He looked back up at her - she looked hopeful, and sad, and more than a little embarrassed. Their conversation this afternoon made more sense now. He had no doubt of the unspoken portion of her request - draw Sasuke, then bring him to life.

"Please." she said. "I know this is a weird and probably highly fucked up request, but…I miss him. I miss him so much, Sai. I just want to talk to him, and feel like he's listening to me. If you don't want to," she said quickly, "I really understand, but…just…please."

Favors were something that Sai had no problem with. If he had time, and no reason not to do it, he did it. It occurred to him that there were probably many ethical and psychological reasons not to grant Sakura her request, but ethics and psychology were really not his strong points, so he looked up at Sakura and nodded, moving aside to let her in the door.

She entered and took a seat at his small table. Sai sat down on the floor with his notepad and placed the picture beside him. After studying it for a few moments, he dipped his brush in the ink pot and began. He changed it bit, made Sasuke taller and older, using the one-time meeting he had with him as a reference. He put him in his old uniform, though. Something told him this would be best.

Sakura watched for a while, then sat back and closed her eyes, letting the soft rustling of the brush on paper lull her into calm. She heard Sai stand up and move to the back bedroom, and smiled slightly when he returned carrying tubes of colored paint. She watched as he mixed them, pausing every now and then to glance at the picture on the floor, then adding a bit more white or orange or blue. She had no idea that mixing colors was so complicated. He then applied the color, deftly creating light and shadow and little hints of life.

Finally, Sai sat back, and looked at her.

Without a word, he moved his fingers in the appropriate jutsu, then placed his hands around the still drying portrait.

The painted Sasuke jumped off the paper immediately. Sakura gasped softly, then stood. She approached it hesitantly, walking in slow circles around it. She was a little surprised when it turned its head to observe her, and the slightly bored expression on it…_his_ face was painfully familiar and spot on.

"Sai" she whispered. "He's…he's so real."

Sai nodded and sat back, for once interested in how this strange occurrence would proceed.

Sakura came back around to face painted Sasuke, and smiled slightly as his eyebrows rose, almost as if he was thinking, "So, what now?"

"Are you making him react like this? I've never seen your drawings show emotion. I've never seen _you show emotion."_

"_Emotions are easy to fake, once you recognize them. I am focused on him, and I'm near him. This makes the illusion more complete."_

_Sakura nodded, though Sai expected she was barely listening. She moved closer to Sasuke, and Sai was not surprised to see tears start to drip down her cheeks. She slowly reached out a hand, touched Sasuke's cheek, then pulled her hand back to examine it. "No ink," she murmured, "but you're cold like paint."_

_Sai almost jumped with surprise when he felt warmth on his own cheek, then quickly regained his concentration. He felt he should make Sasuke do something, but he wasn't sure what. So he did what Sakura had done, and lifted Sasuke's hand to caress her cheek. To his surprise, he felt the warmth of it on his own hand, his senses registering the touch as if he had reached out himself. It was not unpleasant._

_Sakura drew a shuddering breath and tears started pouring more freely. She closed the remaining space between her and the moving portrait, wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. Sai felt the arms, felt the snuggling face, even felt the hot tears so acutely that he glanced down at his chest expecting to see growing wetness on his shirt. There was none. He lifted Sasuke's arms and wrapped them around her, applying a little pressure to draw her in close._

"_Sasuke. I miss you so much." Her voice was muffled against the portrait, and Sai felt her mouth moving against his own breast. He wondered idly if the portrait gave against the pressure of her face. This was new to him._

"_Why can't you come back to us? Why did you go in the first place? The only things that…monster can teach you are things no one should know. You could have gotten stronger here, with us." She was sobbing now, and Sai knew that she had forgotten he was even in the room._

"_I'm so scared, Sasuke. We hear of what the Sound does. Their tactics. Horrible. And I can't help wondering if you're there. If you helped. Even if Orochimaru fails to take over your mind, you might come out of this a monster anyway."_

_Sakura turned her head, and Sai saw her fingers dig into the back of the painted Sasuke's jacket. The cloth folded around them, and he felt shadow fingers dig into his own back._

"_I've started to doubt you, Sasuke." Sakura whispered. "And it…it breaks my heart."_

_Sai moved Sasuke back from her a few inches, lifted its hands to cup her face. He surprised himself when his own hands twitched, instinctively attempting to go where his puppet hands went, until he stilled them. He wasn't sure if this move he made for Sasuke was right, but it seemed appropriate. There was a strange tug in his abdomen, and suddenly felt he should do more. Sakura was staring up at Sasuke, tears running down its fingertips, tickling Sai's own as they fell._

_Sai was used to acting on instinct. It was necessary in battle. He was not aware that instinctual movement came into play in areas outside of survival. Until now. Sai dipped Sasuke's face down to Sakura's, softly placed his mouth over hers. His own lips grew warm, and he was surprised at his own breathless reaction to how yielding her mouth was under painted Sasuke's. Under his._

_She wrapped her arms tighter around him, and Sai felt her tongue reach out, searching for the tongue that Sai had not thought to give Sasuke._

_When Sakura's searching mouth met only emptiness, she abruptly jerked her mouth away and pushed herself back from the image of her lost one. Only the image._

_Sai watched as the outside world came back to her, as she it registered that Sai was still there, and had watched the whole thing. She brought her hands up to cover her face, and without a word rushed across the room and out the door._

_Sai stayed motionless for a few moments. He lifted his hand to his lips, still tingling with warmth and remembrance of being touched in a way that was completely new. And oddly powerful. The painted Sasuke did the same, copying his creator's movement. Sai noted with something he suspected was mild amusement that the painted image looked just a stunned as Sai probably was. Slowly, he let the image fall away, and it dissipated, reappearing on the page where it was created._

_Sai knew that Sakura was probably going to avoid him for the next few days. Possibly for the next few weeks. This whole ordeal tonight was something that she would no doubt not want to discuss. He hoped she didn't put too much thought into whether it was the image or Sai who had kissed her - he would have to examine his own motives with that move, which he realized was a first for him. He was definitely not going to tell her about the strange connection he had had with the painted Sasuke, how he had felt everything with his own hands, fingers, lips._

_That strange tug in his gut came back. There was a tug in his chest as well. He wondered why._


End file.
